Makli

What is this Govinda Disease?

Govindaness is a disturbing health condition that is hitting the South Asian male population rapidly. It is a sick sick disease which has been known to cause rapid weight gain, sudden heart failure, loss of eye sight, and the cut off of circulation in the gluteal area of the body.
What are the symptoms of Govindaness?

The symptoms of Govindaness are rather broad, and thus very frightening. Some of the more common symptoms to watch for include:

* sudden tightening of your pants, especially in the thigh and buttock region
* a sudden increase in both nipple and overall breast size, and the desire to accentuate them with tight T-shirts or banyaans
* shortness of breath and heavy breathing after minor physical activity
* increased confidence in one's appearance, despite these physical abnormalities

Sometimes uncontrolled urination is also a sign, but this tends to be a side effect caused by a lack of blood flow in the midsection region of the body. This is just speculation, however.
What is the connection to Govinda the actor?

The first known case of the disease appeared in Punjab, India in 1977, attacking a man by the name of Govinda Ahuja (hence the name of the disease). Before this time there is no documented case of anyone experiencing the signs and symptoms of Govindaness. Medical practitioners can only speculate on the origins of the disease, but current theories suggest some connection between Govindaness and the increased consumption of masala and vegetable oil in the Indian subcontinent.

Further, the rapid proliferation of the disease has been linked to the strangely popular Bollywood films that Govinda Ahuja has starred in. In such films, Govinda is portrayed in heroic roles alongside superstar Bollywood actresses, wearing extremely tight pants and t-shirts that accentuate Govinda's unappealing and humiliating physique.

From a scientific standpoint, however, Govinda's films act as a fantastic resource which depict and document all of the stages of the disease right from the initial onset up to the most critical state. The scientific community thus owes a certain amount of gratitude to Govinda himself since his movies provide a library of data which can be studied in detail in order to help scientists discover the causes of this debilitating disease.
Govinda Ahuja - first known victim.
How severe is this Govinda Disease?

There are 3 stages of Govindaness severity, ranging from minor to critical, as follows:

Stage I: Psychological Govindaness
This is the first sign of the onset of Govindaness. The disease has infected the individual, but it is first attacking the victim's mind, not the body. The main symptom of this disease is a desire to wear tight clothing, specifically tight pants that accentuate the buttocks and crotch area. Early Govinda films document the onset of this stage of the disease quite well.

The following images show victims of Stage I Govindaness: